


Shallow Grave

by GretchenSinister



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23220898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretchenSinister/pseuds/GretchenSinister
Summary: Original Prompt: "Five times one of the guardians used a cheesy pickup line and one time it worked. Don’t care who."Okay, the title may sound grim, but this is actually pretty goofy. Lots of wordplay, and only North has a clue.Sandy seeks advice on pickup lines. The one that works is from A Softer World #1089.
Relationships: Pitch Black/Sanderson Mansnoozie
Kudos: 17
Collections: Blacksand Short Fics





	Shallow Grave

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on 7/23/2014.

_So the alphabet has 20 letters, right?_  
  
“No, 26—that is, are you referring to English alphabet, Sandy?” North looks at him thoughtfully from a chair in his workroom.  
  
Sandy touches his finger to his chin. _Good point,_ he signs. _Should I continue?_  
  
North waves him on.   
  
_Oh, how could I forget? URAQT._  
  
North smiles. “But that is only five more letters.”  
  
 _Don’t worry about it. You’ll be getting the D later._  
  
North laughs. “I have not heard that one before. But I do not know, Sandy, I think it requires too much cooperation. Also, it is not very visual. Not really your style.”  
  
Sandy purses his lips and nods. _True. And…well. Cute’s not really the word._  
  


* * *

  
  
_Do you use Windex on your pants? Because I can totally see myself in them._  
  
“Wha—?” Jack drops about ten feet before regaining his composure. “Ah, Sandy, I…never thought about that before or at least not…that is, _pickup lines_ were never involved, and…isn’t this a little, well, fast?”  
  
Sandy frowns at him in confusion for a moment before an exclamation mark appears over his head.  
  
 _Oh! Sorry, Jack, not you. I’m looking for feedback. Do you think that line has a good chance of working?_  
  
“Oh,” Jack says, surprised at how little relief he feels. “Like, on another spirit?” Vague disappointment and…no, it couldn’t be jealousy…seemed to be filling up the space where relief should have been.  
  
Sandy nods.  
  
“Well, it would depend on whether they know what Windex is.”  
  
 _Good point. Now, wait a minute—you’ve thought about me…without pickup lines involved?_ Sandy looks at him consideringly.  
  
Jack blushes from his collar to the roots of his hair. “Can you please forget that?”  
  
 _I’ll forget it until it’s a good time to remember it,_ Sandy signs before patting his burning cheek and flying off.  
  


* * *

  
  
_If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?_  
  
Tooth laughs in delight. A few of her fairies choose that moment to start curling up in Sandy’s hair. “I like that one, it’s a classic,” she says. “But, Sandy, sometimes spirits are funny about words—well, of course _you_ know that. What if they do hold it against you, in the negative, metaphorical sense? I mean, maybe that’s not _too_ likely…”  
  
 _No, no, you’re right,_ Sandy signs, gently handing Tooth the fairies that had fallen asleep in his hair. _I’ve really got to think this through._  
  


* * *

  
  
_Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day._  
  
“You know, I thought there was something off—oh, wait, you meant that as a pickup line.” Bunny kneels back down in the bed of irises he’s fussing with.   
  
_Is it any good?_  
  
“Not for me, mate, but I tend to be a bit literal, myself. And it’s not as though your mind can’t be run through.”  
  
Sandy nods. _Yes, it would be very awkward if that line ended up just referring to something that actually happened._  
  


* * *

  
  
_How about…_ Sandy signs, back in North’s work room. _Did it hurt?_  
  
“Did what hurt?” North asks obligingly.  
  
 _When you fell from heaven._  
  
“Honestly, Sandy, I think that is somewhat inappropriate. Also, might be good for romantic relationship if you are willing to hear whole answer! But that line is very bad for immediate good night, I think.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“Sometimes it seems like Pitch doesn’t really have a plan when he stirs up trouble,” Jack comments as he patrols the last known whereabouts of the Nightmare King with the other Guardians.  
  
“Personally I think it is just a very poorly thought-out plan,” North says, when Tooth shushes them both.   
  
She points to the top of a nearby hill, where Pitch stands, a dramatic silhouette against the nearby town’s light pollution.  
  
Bunny groans. “Who does he think he’s performing for?” he mutters.  
  
Just then, Sandy breaks away from the group to float up towards Pitch.   
  
The others hurry after him, arriving just in time to have a clear view of how Sandy greets Pitch.  
  
 _Baby, are you a shallow grave? Because that’s where I figure they’ll find my body._  
  
Pitch blinks slowly at him, but doesn’t attack—or give any sign of noticing the other Guardians. “That’s ghastly,” he says, and the corners of his mouth creep upwards. “Did you come up with it yourself?”  
  
Sandy nods, looking very pleased with himself, and Pitch’s smile grows wider. “Well then. Aren’t you supposed to get me a drink now? “  
  
 _Whatever you like, dear. AB+, O-, only the best._  
  
Pitch laughs, but stops abruptly as he finally looks to the other Guardians. “Excuse you. Sandy is trying to thwart my evil plot. And I think he’s the only one who I care to do so. Move along, why don’t you.”  
  
“Good idea!” North exclaims, and Tooth and Bunny are only too happy to follow his lead as he heads down the hillside. Jack, however, lingers for a moment.  
  
“Hey, Pitch,” he calls. “Do you know what Windex is?”  
  
“Have you had a falling out with you main form of transportation?” Pitch asks.  
  
Jack’s impressed, despite himself. He couldn’t come up with something that quickly while in a state to be making that kind of face at Sandy. Sandy, for his part, winks at him, and he decides to give it up as a bad job. He wasn’t going to get a rise out of Pitch tonight.  
  
If anyone did, it was going to be Sandy.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments from Tumblr:
> 
> tejoxys said: Oh my god, these dorks. Love it.
> 
> marypsue reblogged this from gretchensinister and added:  
> An abundance of puns! #clutches this to my chest#if anyone ever used that last one on me I'm pretty sure I'd be buying /them/ a drink


End file.
